“When did you start wearing eye makeup? You look like a streetwalker.”
I had recently discovered that I looked fabulous – sexy, even – in black eyeliner (or at least I thought so), until my mother crushed my groove by filling me with shame for wanting to look a little sexy.
I started my college career,then, with some shame around my awakening desire for someone to find me sexy. My mother’s mission was to prevent me from being doomed to an existence as a sexual being. (In my family, “sexual being” equaled “streetwalker,” and it was presumed that you’d want to look like anything but a “streetwalker.”)
Teetering on the cusp between the Baby Boomers and Generation X, as in a lot of families in the Midwest and beyond during the time that I was growing up, I learned that there was something wrong –immoral – about expressing or even acknowledging my sexuality as a woman. In my world, we didn’t say words like “vagina;” in fact, even acknowledging our vaginas by referring to them as “lady parts” or “down there” seemed a little risqué.
Shopping for clothing is a lot like dating. In both, the lack of opportunities to come across perfection (or even acceptability) in person compels a lot of people to search online. Sometimes, something seems so promising until, in person, you discover it’s not as pictured. You can waste a lot of time trying on and ultimately finding nothing that feels like a good fit. Sure, you can settle for something that’s not ideal, but it will never be quite right. My biggest problem with both shopping and dating has always been that I become so focused on a specific attribute or two that it blinds me to any other possibility.
I’m not a big fan of buying clothing online, but since I’m even less a fan of shopping for clothing in stores, I decided to surrender my shopping neuroses to someone else, and give Stitch Fix a try. Stitch Fix is a company that takes an inventory of your preferences and sizes, and sends you a box of clothing based on your input. You try the clothes on, keep what you like, and send the rest back.
Sometimes, the deep root of a big problem is the little “something” that seems minor at first glance. Something like, “He didn’t get my humor.”
I was weeding out my email box recently, and came across a set of email exchanges from years ago with someone I used to know. In the subject line of each of my emails, I had crafted a great pun or one-liner that related to something we’d recently talked about, done, or experienced. Even now, I find them funny, and some of them still make me laugh out loud at my own humor (Sometimes, I just crack myself up, even if I do say so myself).